Birth Story #3

My other two birth stories I really enjoyed writing about, this one, not so much. You will find out why.

With my third pregnancy I was working as a waitress up until a month before I was due. I was very fatigued the whole time, especially towards the end. I was very stressed the previous 2 years and I believe this really contributed to my not having very good energy or being in a good state of mind. My Father had tragically passed away, I had went through a divorce from a very abusive man, etc.......So anyways back to the story ;-)

I was due April 26Th, 2005. On the morning of the 19Th, like both of my previous births, I started having painless contractions. I thought I was probably in labor. A little later in the day I lost my mucus plug which confirmed the fact that I was in labor. I went about my day as planned, although looking back I think I really should have rested. I hurried up and tried to get some last minute cleaning done. One HUGE mistake I made was I had McDonald's for lunch, not good nutrition for making it throughthrough labor, I will NEVER do that again, LOL.

Anywhoo, I called my mom and gave her the heads up (by the way, my mom is NOT a midwife, she has had 6 home births 2 unassisted, and attended many of her friends births as a support in the hospital) I also called Hubby at work and told him in a few hours he should come home. Hubby arrived at around 6:30pm , just around this time is when the contractions started getting painful so I went upstairs in my bedroom while Hubby watched the kids. My mom arrived at around 7:30 pm, things really started getting painful at this time but I was still handling it o.k. At around 9:00pm I was full dilated except for my usual cervical lip, this time I think my Mom just kinda of massaged it away. So I was fully dilated and I felt the urge to push and I did and I just felt like the baby was not moving. At this time my water broke all over my poor mom, LOL. I was really starting to "lose it", I was in more pain then I had ever been in when in labor. I also felt like "something" just wasn't right. For one thing my Mom kept going into the other room and calling her midwife friend and talking in hushed tones, then she would come back and tell me to do certain things. She NEVER has done stuff like that when I was in labor, also she was telling me to push, like REALLY push and usually she tells me just breath the baby out so this was strange too. I tried pushing for quite a while, in many different positions but the baby was not budging, not even a titch. I guess I really just felt like I was doing nothing and I kind of panicked. Soooooo, I started telling them to call an ambulance ( I don't think I really meant this, I was just spouting off silly things). This being Hubby's first time of witnessing a women in labor took me literally and called the ambulance. I remember when they were carrying me out on a stretcher, that I felt like I did not want to go but I was too embarrassed to say anything.

So we get to the hospital and the first Doctor is a TOTAL jerk, but then another one came in who was very nice and the rude one left, Thank God. So the Doctor kept trying to get me to push, the nurses kept telling me "great, the baby is coming down, wonderful" blah, blah. Then I would hear the Doctor whisper that the baby was not coming down and saw that she was posterior, so her tried to turn her but she just kept flipping back. At this point I had absolutely NO more energy left to push , so the Doctor said he was going to use forceps. SO he made a HUGE episiotomy and used the forceps, let me tell you that was THE most excruciating pain, EVER. But it just took a few seconds and she was out, what a relief. Praise the Lord that she was fine and there was no damage done by the forceps.

My sweet baby girl was born April 20Th at 12:39 am, she weighed 8lbs 7 oz and was 21 in long.

This birth was very hard for me to deal with afterwards. I was really sad for a long time after her birth, I felt like I had failed, I was so disappointed. It really stuck in my head what the doctors and all the nurses kept calling me (to each other of course) "A failed Home Birth". That did NOT help. It still makes me sad when I think about it. Mostly I think it was because I felt like I had given up, that is the part that really upsets me.

Sometimes, I feel like I am going to lose it again, but really I know I won't. I have read a lot of encouraging books this time like "Childbirth without fear", "Birthing from Within", and " Ina May's Guide to childbirth". Those books really gave me the reassurance that I needed. Also I have been watching a wonderful show on Discovery Health called "House of Babies" it is Kind of like a baby story but they all have their babies at this birth center and everything is 100% natural, it is really good.

Honestly, I can't wait to deliver this baby. As I feel like I need to prove to myself that I CAN do it. May sound strange but I feel like it is what I need ;-)

Anyways here is my cutie pie 2 yr old, she is so much fun!!!